Unforgiveness usually affects the one who does not forgive the most, rather than the one who is not forgiven. If we do not forgive those who wronged us, who offended us and/or who hurt us or made us suffer some way or another, then as any connection to those persons or to the incident arises, it will keep on feeling like a knife stabbing us in the heart.
Forgiveness has to take place in our hearts first and then it will show in our behavior towards that person. Just as we recognize if there is bitterness in a person's heart towards someone, by the way they treat that person, others can recognize it in our behavior too.
When Jesus was hanging on the cross, in extreme pain, He not only forgave those who tortured and crucified Him, but He even asked His Father to forgive them as they had no idea what they were really doing.
What did Jesus tell His disciples about forgiveness? To forgive someone 490 times seems incredible, but the Lord was using the expression of multiplication, to show that we need to forgive someone no matter how many times they does us wrong. Someone that needs to keep being forgiven repeatedly is probably not an angel in our life. So let's be honest with ourselves. How many times have others forgiven us? We see in the verses quoted previously, that Peter was referring to a “brother who kept on sinning against him”.
At the same time, the Lord Jesus is telling us to forgive anybody who ever does us wrong, as Luke mentions in the last part of the following verse:
The Lord also shared the parable of the servant to whom his king forgave a huge debt (as God is forgiving our sins through the sacrifice of His Son, which is a debt that we could never pay on our own), and as response to that, the newly forgiven one then shows no mercy towards his fellow servant, that was owing him a small amount (this is similar to us when we do not forgive something that another person did against us).
The most common prayer is the “Lord's Prayer.” Sadly, many that pray this prayer, do not ponder it's words and meaning as they often just recite them as a “magic formula” when they are in trouble. But, when we pray this prayer we ask to be forgiven, AS we forgive others. Don't we? So if we are not forgiving others, then we are forfeiting our own forgiveness from the Lord.
Why do we tell to those we talk to, about what others did wrong? Because we want them to comfort us, to agree with us and eventually to start dislike the people who hurt us.
If we do not forgive, we remain shackled by the chains of unforgiveness and in the process of time, we will become more and more separated from God. Oftentimes, we try to justify what we are “ought” about as, “we feel like is not fair to forgive something so terrible”. And additionally, want revenge and coupled with no desire to see those who did us wrong to be blessed. Many times, we realize the need to forgive, because we know what the Bible says, but we try to justify and validate our unforgiveness. We allow ourselves to replay what was done against us, responding in our hearts with hatred all over again. Each time we replay it, the anger and frustration towards the “offender”, floods our hearts. If we continue in this manner, our judgment becomes darkened and all that comes from it is misery and heartache.
Oftentimes, a person thinks that if they “hold on to the grudge” that it will cause heaven to “keep the charge alive,” thinking that if we forgive them, they will no longer be held accountable. When in reality, if we forgive the person that did something terrible to us, it does not mean that the person will be absolved of their fault before God. When we forgive, we are the ones who become FREE! The bitterness that was in our heart, vanishes, the hatred melts away and the frustration becomes a memory.
God is not asking us to “suppress our emotions” but to deal with them squarely, so we won't sin as Paul says in:
We know that if we go to bed angry and frustrated, that the chances slim to none in getting over it. Why? Because we are masters at turning the issues that upset us, into finding “even more reasons” to blame and fault those who caused our “frustrations and/or heartaches.” We even start to remember things that might not even have happened the way they appear with a hurt and frustrated heart... Maybe not in all cases, but let's be honest and admit oftentimes it is pretty close to the truth. The best way possible to preventing all of this is: to resolve the issue “before” going to bed... And when we do so, we will get our peace back and will be able to sleep and truly rest.
I have learned that in the cases where I am the one to “ask for forgiveness” - from those dear to me, that it is the quickest way to resolving “disagreements.” Sometimes, just extending a good heart, will disarm the other person and help them to resolve the issue at hand also. I am a way happier person since I have learned to ask and offer forgiveness.
Forgiveness is “a process” that starts with “the desire to forgive” the person that did us wrong, because we know that it is God's will to forgive. We continue the process, by “asking God to help us forgive” and asking Him to help us be delivered from hate, frustration, offense, victimization, etc. We pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill us with His peace and a right attitude towards those who did us wrong and wish them well.
It helps a lot to realize this vital truth: that the devil is the one that pushes people to hurt one another. Satan brought sin into this world and ultimately he is behind any sin, since Adam and Eve. When we fall into his trap of blaming only the person who did us wrong... then it truly is harder to forgive. When we realize the enemy was looking to cause the wrong to be done and wanting hurt to be done, then it kind of broadens the perspective.
Another important aspect is to take the time and consider, what might have caused that person to do the wrong, or why they spoke against us. In other words, maybe the wrong was not really directed straight at us; it could be that we were at the wrong place at the wrong time, becoming victims by mistake. It did not happen to you to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? What can make a situation worse, is when the Lord, through the Holy Spirit, tried to warn us about potential trouble, by giving us a “gut feeling” deep inside, and we ignored Him. Sometimes, if we would try to place ourselves in the other “person's shoes” we might be surprised to see that we might have done the same thing they did or even worse; in a situation like this, forgiveness comes way easier and faster.
We know that we truly “forgave” - when we don't lose out peace anymore when something triggers the memory of the incident, when we stop telling others about it, trying to make that person to look bad in front of them and we even start to truly wish them well.
Forgiveness does not mean to “automatically trust” that person again. It does not mean that we will tolerate that person to continue stepping all over us and hurting us even deeper. God gave us wisdom, and if we come to His throne in prayer, He will show us how to treat each case, for our best. But the value of getting our peace and tranquility back is way more valuable than any desire for justice and getting revenge. The Lord says that “Vengeance is Mine, and recompense” (Deuteronomy 32:35).
For a long time, as I was listening pastors preaching about forgiveness, they were quoting this verse:
I had a hard time accepting it, as I was thinking that God was asking me to have no wisdom, that He was asking me to keep trusting people that continued to hurt me, if I was supposed to keep forgiving them endlessly. But, God is asking us to forgive all those who do us wrong, so we can be happy and keep our peace and to keep on forgiving endlessly, our brothers, the ones close to us, to whom we continue to do wrong, too. In so doing, we learn to keep the peace and not give the devil an inch.
Professional studies have show great proof that “unforgiveness” ruins health, in such ways as arthritis, kidney problems, high blood pressure, ulcer, depression and much more. Is it worth it to let offense and unforgiveness to ruin us?
We received forgiveness for our sins, by grace, and that means without deserving it; we got it only by accepting what Jesus did for us, paying with His death, taking the penalty for our sins. Why do we consider that is too much to offer grace to those who did us wrong? There is no way for me to know how serious someone hurt you or did you wrong, how deep your wounds are and how costly the effects of the crime done against you have been. I am not trying to minimize the pain you have been through, but because I know from my own experience, how great it is to be freed from the chains of unforgiveness, to have joy again and because Jesus is telling us that if we do not forgive, neither our Heavenly Father will forgive our sins. I am only hoping with all my heart, that if you are still chained, that you too can be free again, too.
Oftentimes, the person that offended the other, has no clue and continues to live happy and free. But the offended one is in pain, restless and hurt. Sometimes in severe offense, crying, unable to smile and laugh any more, speaking harsh to those around us, with no reason. This what happens because unforgiveness becomes bitterness, and bitterness grows affecting us deeply and even those around us.
When we speak ill about the one who did us wrong to others, we cause more victims, as we get those who listen to us, to feel negative or even hate the ones we have had the problems with. How many times have we been on one end of that or the other? The author of the Hebrews letter knew very well what he was saying in the verses quoted above. Unsolved offenses end up causing many divisions in families, churches, companies and among any groups of people that “took” the “enemy's bait.” Human pride gets us all into many offenses and by this same pride, many others can fall into the same trap too.
When we came to God and asked Jesus to be our Lord and Savior, we were born again; by the Holy Spirit, in our spirit that Paul calls “our inner man.” Once “saved,” we start to change as we grow in the Lord, as we learn to live with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, learning to obey God rather than our fleshly nature.
What is Paul saying here? Who is winning if we don't forgive? Us? No way! On the contrary, unforgiveness is a stronghold of the enemy, that can destroy us. The enemy works to steal our peace, our tranquility, our joy and our health by trickery. No one even has to open the front door for him. The enemy seems to take any opportunity that we offer him, by any sin we do, that is for sure.
In conclusion, when we choose to set the person free that did us wrong, by forgiving them with God's help in prayer and supplication, we do ourselves a favor.
Solomon knew that very well, when he wrote:
An unforgiving heart, is a sad and distraught heart, that cannot really rejoice. The forgiving heart is loving and joyful heart, which causes a good health and a happy face.
We forgive, because by God grace, we were forgiven. We love, because Jesus loved us first and we want to live free from any chains. Jesus set the ultimate example of love, sacrifice and forgiveness. Through following Him, we really know the Truth and the Truth really makes us free.
Forgiveness has to take place in our hearts first and then it will show in our behavior towards that person. Just as we recognize if there is bitterness in a person's heart towards someone, by the way they treat that person, others can recognize it in our behavior too.
- Mark 11:25-26 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
When Jesus was hanging on the cross, in extreme pain, He not only forgave those who tortured and crucified Him, but He even asked His Father to forgive them as they had no idea what they were really doing.
- Luke 23:34 Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."
- Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
What did Jesus tell His disciples about forgiveness? To forgive someone 490 times seems incredible, but the Lord was using the expression of multiplication, to show that we need to forgive someone no matter how many times they does us wrong. Someone that needs to keep being forgiven repeatedly is probably not an angel in our life. So let's be honest with ourselves. How many times have others forgiven us? We see in the verses quoted previously, that Peter was referring to a “brother who kept on sinning against him”.
At the same time, the Lord Jesus is telling us to forgive anybody who ever does us wrong, as Luke mentions in the last part of the following verse:
- Luke 6:37 “Forgive, and you will be forgiven”
The Lord also shared the parable of the servant to whom his king forgave a huge debt (as God is forgiving our sins through the sacrifice of His Son, which is a debt that we could never pay on our own), and as response to that, the newly forgiven one then shows no mercy towards his fellow servant, that was owing him a small amount (this is similar to us when we do not forgive something that another person did against us).
- Matthew 18:32-35 “Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
The most common prayer is the “Lord's Prayer.” Sadly, many that pray this prayer, do not ponder it's words and meaning as they often just recite them as a “magic formula” when they are in trouble. But, when we pray this prayer we ask to be forgiven, AS we forgive others. Don't we? So if we are not forgiving others, then we are forfeiting our own forgiveness from the Lord.
- Luke 11:4a “And forgive us our sins, as we also forgive “everyone” who is indebted to us.”
- Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; “even as Christ forgave you,” so you also must do.
- Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
Why do we tell to those we talk to, about what others did wrong? Because we want them to comfort us, to agree with us and eventually to start dislike the people who hurt us.
- Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.
If we do not forgive, we remain shackled by the chains of unforgiveness and in the process of time, we will become more and more separated from God. Oftentimes, we try to justify what we are “ought” about as, “we feel like is not fair to forgive something so terrible”. And additionally, want revenge and coupled with no desire to see those who did us wrong to be blessed. Many times, we realize the need to forgive, because we know what the Bible says, but we try to justify and validate our unforgiveness. We allow ourselves to replay what was done against us, responding in our hearts with hatred all over again. Each time we replay it, the anger and frustration towards the “offender”, floods our hearts. If we continue in this manner, our judgment becomes darkened and all that comes from it is misery and heartache.
Oftentimes, a person thinks that if they “hold on to the grudge” that it will cause heaven to “keep the charge alive,” thinking that if we forgive them, they will no longer be held accountable. When in reality, if we forgive the person that did something terrible to us, it does not mean that the person will be absolved of their fault before God. When we forgive, we are the ones who become FREE! The bitterness that was in our heart, vanishes, the hatred melts away and the frustration becomes a memory.
God is not asking us to “suppress our emotions” but to deal with them squarely, so we won't sin as Paul says in:
- Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath.
We know that if we go to bed angry and frustrated, that the chances slim to none in getting over it. Why? Because we are masters at turning the issues that upset us, into finding “even more reasons” to blame and fault those who caused our “frustrations and/or heartaches.” We even start to remember things that might not even have happened the way they appear with a hurt and frustrated heart... Maybe not in all cases, but let's be honest and admit oftentimes it is pretty close to the truth. The best way possible to preventing all of this is: to resolve the issue “before” going to bed... And when we do so, we will get our peace back and will be able to sleep and truly rest.
I have learned that in the cases where I am the one to “ask for forgiveness” - from those dear to me, that it is the quickest way to resolving “disagreements.” Sometimes, just extending a good heart, will disarm the other person and help them to resolve the issue at hand also. I am a way happier person since I have learned to ask and offer forgiveness.
Forgiveness is “a process” that starts with “the desire to forgive” the person that did us wrong, because we know that it is God's will to forgive. We continue the process, by “asking God to help us forgive” and asking Him to help us be delivered from hate, frustration, offense, victimization, etc. We pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill us with His peace and a right attitude towards those who did us wrong and wish them well.
It helps a lot to realize this vital truth: that the devil is the one that pushes people to hurt one another. Satan brought sin into this world and ultimately he is behind any sin, since Adam and Eve. When we fall into his trap of blaming only the person who did us wrong... then it truly is harder to forgive. When we realize the enemy was looking to cause the wrong to be done and wanting hurt to be done, then it kind of broadens the perspective.
Another important aspect is to take the time and consider, what might have caused that person to do the wrong, or why they spoke against us. In other words, maybe the wrong was not really directed straight at us; it could be that we were at the wrong place at the wrong time, becoming victims by mistake. It did not happen to you to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? What can make a situation worse, is when the Lord, through the Holy Spirit, tried to warn us about potential trouble, by giving us a “gut feeling” deep inside, and we ignored Him. Sometimes, if we would try to place ourselves in the other “person's shoes” we might be surprised to see that we might have done the same thing they did or even worse; in a situation like this, forgiveness comes way easier and faster.
We know that we truly “forgave” - when we don't lose out peace anymore when something triggers the memory of the incident, when we stop telling others about it, trying to make that person to look bad in front of them and we even start to truly wish them well.
Forgiveness does not mean to “automatically trust” that person again. It does not mean that we will tolerate that person to continue stepping all over us and hurting us even deeper. God gave us wisdom, and if we come to His throne in prayer, He will show us how to treat each case, for our best. But the value of getting our peace and tranquility back is way more valuable than any desire for justice and getting revenge. The Lord says that “Vengeance is Mine, and recompense” (Deuteronomy 32:35).
For a long time, as I was listening pastors preaching about forgiveness, they were quoting this verse:
- Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall “my brother” sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
I had a hard time accepting it, as I was thinking that God was asking me to have no wisdom, that He was asking me to keep trusting people that continued to hurt me, if I was supposed to keep forgiving them endlessly. But, God is asking us to forgive all those who do us wrong, so we can be happy and keep our peace and to keep on forgiving endlessly, our brothers, the ones close to us, to whom we continue to do wrong, too. In so doing, we learn to keep the peace and not give the devil an inch.
Professional studies have show great proof that “unforgiveness” ruins health, in such ways as arthritis, kidney problems, high blood pressure, ulcer, depression and much more. Is it worth it to let offense and unforgiveness to ruin us?
- Hebrews 12:14-15 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled
We received forgiveness for our sins, by grace, and that means without deserving it; we got it only by accepting what Jesus did for us, paying with His death, taking the penalty for our sins. Why do we consider that is too much to offer grace to those who did us wrong? There is no way for me to know how serious someone hurt you or did you wrong, how deep your wounds are and how costly the effects of the crime done against you have been. I am not trying to minimize the pain you have been through, but because I know from my own experience, how great it is to be freed from the chains of unforgiveness, to have joy again and because Jesus is telling us that if we do not forgive, neither our Heavenly Father will forgive our sins. I am only hoping with all my heart, that if you are still chained, that you too can be free again, too.
Oftentimes, the person that offended the other, has no clue and continues to live happy and free. But the offended one is in pain, restless and hurt. Sometimes in severe offense, crying, unable to smile and laugh any more, speaking harsh to those around us, with no reason. This what happens because unforgiveness becomes bitterness, and bitterness grows affecting us deeply and even those around us.
When we speak ill about the one who did us wrong to others, we cause more victims, as we get those who listen to us, to feel negative or even hate the ones we have had the problems with. How many times have we been on one end of that or the other? The author of the Hebrews letter knew very well what he was saying in the verses quoted above. Unsolved offenses end up causing many divisions in families, churches, companies and among any groups of people that “took” the “enemy's bait.” Human pride gets us all into many offenses and by this same pride, many others can fall into the same trap too.
When we came to God and asked Jesus to be our Lord and Savior, we were born again; by the Holy Spirit, in our spirit that Paul calls “our inner man.” Once “saved,” we start to change as we grow in the Lord, as we learn to live with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, learning to obey God rather than our fleshly nature.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
- Romans 8:8-9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.
- 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.”
What is Paul saying here? Who is winning if we don't forgive? Us? No way! On the contrary, unforgiveness is a stronghold of the enemy, that can destroy us. The enemy works to steal our peace, our tranquility, our joy and our health by trickery. No one even has to open the front door for him. The enemy seems to take any opportunity that we offer him, by any sin we do, that is for sure.
In conclusion, when we choose to set the person free that did us wrong, by forgiving them with God's help in prayer and supplication, we do ourselves a favor.
Solomon knew that very well, when he wrote:
- Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.
An unforgiving heart, is a sad and distraught heart, that cannot really rejoice. The forgiving heart is loving and joyful heart, which causes a good health and a happy face.
We forgive, because by God grace, we were forgiven. We love, because Jesus loved us first and we want to live free from any chains. Jesus set the ultimate example of love, sacrifice and forgiveness. Through following Him, we really know the Truth and the Truth really makes us free.
Copyright © 2015 Carmen Puscas May be used for personal study or instruction but shall not be copied and/or distributed in whole or part without permission or for financial profit.
OTHER ARTICLES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
JOB, HIS THREE FRIENDS AND FORGIVENESS
A study about forgiveness involving Job's three friends who were commanded to repent by God and have Job pray for them.
UNFORGIVENESS IS EXPENSIVE
A close look at the choice of unforgiveness and its heavy price-tag.
ARTICLES ABOUT PITFALLS AND SHORTCOMINGS
COMMON PITFALLS THAT CAN BE A CHRISTIAN'S DEMISE
There are pitfalls, distractions and challenges in life, even for those on the narrow path that leads to heaven. We must guard our walk and stay on the path.
IS IT RIGHT TO JUDGE?
Is it right to judge? If so, when and in what way would be right? What did Jesus really mean when He said, "Judge not lest ye be judged"? This article takes a closer look at judging.
SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, OUR STRONG ENEMY
As Christians, we must overcome our carnal nature daily. Self-righteousness is a strong & sneaky enemy.
THE DANGER OF UNHEALTHY FEAR
Understanding unhealthy fear and how to deal with it.
ARTICLES ABOUT PERSEVERANCE AND STRENGTH
BY YOUR PATIENCE POSSESS YOUR SOULS
Understanding the virtue, power and importance of "patience" and how to see it working more effectively in us for a more victorious life.
HOW TO KEEP JESUS AS LORD
Living to please God is the key to remaining in Jesus and He in us.
THE POWER OF THE WORD OF GOD
What does it take to see the power of the Word of God working effectively in our lives?
THE WHOLE ARMOR OF GOD
We truly cannot wrestle the devil with anything less than the armor of God. The armor of a Roman soldier is used for analogy sake. The power & weaponry are of God.
WHERE DOES OUR STRENGTH AS CHRISTIANS COME FROM?
Do we really realize how much strength the Lord has for us & the many ways He strengthens us? Taking a closer look at God's provision for us is amazing.
MAIN ARTICLE MENU
Copyright © 2015 Carmen Puscas May be used for personal study or instruction but shall not be copied and/or distributed in whole or part without permission or for financial profit.
OTHER ARTICLES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
JOB, HIS THREE FRIENDS AND FORGIVENESS
A study about forgiveness involving Job's three friends who were commanded to repent by God and have Job pray for them.
UNFORGIVENESS IS EXPENSIVE
A close look at the choice of unforgiveness and its heavy price-tag.
ARTICLES ABOUT PITFALLS AND SHORTCOMINGS
COMMON PITFALLS THAT CAN BE A CHRISTIAN'S DEMISE
There are pitfalls, distractions and challenges in life, even for those on the narrow path that leads to heaven. We must guard our walk and stay on the path.
IS IT RIGHT TO JUDGE?
Is it right to judge? If so, when and in what way would be right? What did Jesus really mean when He said, "Judge not lest ye be judged"? This article takes a closer look at judging.
SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, OUR STRONG ENEMY
As Christians, we must overcome our carnal nature daily. Self-righteousness is a strong & sneaky enemy.
THE DANGER OF UNHEALTHY FEAR
Understanding unhealthy fear and how to deal with it.
ARTICLES ABOUT PERSEVERANCE AND STRENGTH
BY YOUR PATIENCE POSSESS YOUR SOULS
Understanding the virtue, power and importance of "patience" and how to see it working more effectively in us for a more victorious life.
HOW TO KEEP JESUS AS LORD
Living to please God is the key to remaining in Jesus and He in us.
THE POWER OF THE WORD OF GOD
What does it take to see the power of the Word of God working effectively in our lives?
THE WHOLE ARMOR OF GOD
We truly cannot wrestle the devil with anything less than the armor of God. The armor of a Roman soldier is used for analogy sake. The power & weaponry are of God.
WHERE DOES OUR STRENGTH AS CHRISTIANS COME FROM?
Do we really realize how much strength the Lord has for us & the many ways He strengthens us? Taking a closer look at God's provision for us is amazing.
MAIN ARTICLE MENU
Copyright © 2015 Carmen Puscas May be used for personal study or instruction but shall not be copied and/or distributed in whole or part without permission or for financial profit.