BEING UNEQUALLY YOKED

ROMÂNĂ

Being “unequally yoked” is not a popular subject! Many today might not even know what it means.

Before modern transportation, people used animal-drawn wagons for hauling people and cargo. Farmers used animal-drawn plows as well. The wagons and plows were usually pulled by oxen or horses. The animals were put two-by-two (side by side) and a yoke (long piece of wood with two harnesses), was attached to each animal and together they would pull the load. It was important to use two of the same kind of animals, similar in speed, strength and stride together. If not, one would drag the other one down or pull the other one into more than it might have been capable of handling. Once one animal was yoked with the other one, they had to work together, for better or worse.

Once one comprehends the way “yoking” works, it is not hard to understand the importance of the matter. Here is an interesting verse from the Old Testament.

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
Deuteronomy 22:10 

The donkey and the ox both have different builds and natures. In so doing, there could only be an inefficient outcome. The weaker donkey would most likely struggle to keep up with the weightier ox, resulting in a crooked furrow. How could two animals so different ever work in tandem? It is a mix the Lord in His wisdom has commanded not to yoke together to plow.

When Paul addressed the Corinthians, he warned them not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Some relate his words only to marriage and some refuse to associate it with marriage at all because the actual words he used did not specify details.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people." 17 Therefore "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you." 18 "I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

I believe these verses apply to everything from friends, to marriage and any kind of union we have with others.

We know from the Old Testament, that God did not want His people marrying people who were not His followers.

Here is a section of verses where the Lord warned His people not to intermarry with the people whose land they were about to repossess for the Lord. The Lord was honoring His word to Abraham to give them the promised land, but the Lord made it clear that these people’s sins had reached the tipping point with Him, and He wanted them removed from the face of the earth. In the event that they did not listen completely, He specifically warned them about intermarrying.

Deuteronomy 7:3-4 "Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. 4 For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly."

God wants sincere people.

From the very beginning with Adam and Eve, and all throughout history, God has wanted a people, to be His family, tried and true. This means physically, mentally and spiritually.

"I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
2 Corinthians 6:18 

This is the heart of God. And we cannot be partially true to Him. We must do it with all we are and have.

Some things cannot be mixed.

For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14b

What happens when we mix salty water with regular water? It becomes salty. What happens when we have a clean shirt or blouse and get even a speck of ketchup on it? It becomes dirty.

The Lord is saying there is no fellowship with opposites like non-salty and salty, clean and dirty, His people and non believers.

If one is a Christian, no matter where one goes in this world, there will be unbelievers.

And wherever they are in power or one is yoked up with them, they will not make decisions from the same place as a Christian.

If one is in power (example, with one’s own company), one can make godly decisions and institute a Christian work environment. But if one is working under non-believers, they more than likely, will ask one to err, sooner or later. It is necessary to work in this world and much of the time, Christians work for non-believers, therefore one should pray about everything and carefully follow through with however the Lord directs. But if at all possible, if not self-employed, Christians should try to work for other believers (or Christian companies) and if that is not possible, then we must try to work for companies or people with the best ethics possible. It will really matter in time.

If a Christian should decide to go into business with someone else, there is also much to consider. It not only needs to be with another Christian but with one that is of like-mind and values because it will not take long and the two will be at a crossroads on something. Oftentimes it is hard enough to work something out when the two are alike, than for sure when they are not.

It is important who we choose as friends.

He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.
Proverbs 13:20 

In plain English, if we want to be wise, associate with wise people, and if we want to be a fool, associate with fools and be destroyed with them. Consider this verse from the New Testament.

Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits."
1 Corinthians 15:33

If one wants to better them self, associate with believers that challenge one to do better. Proverbs 27:17 talks about iron sharpening iron and it is true! When godly friends help hone each other for the good, it is priceless!

If one is in ministry, it is also not good to try to serve together with others who are not of a like-mind.

Something that happens often, is that the right person for a ministry position is no where to be found at the time. But there is someone available, if one is willing to compromise. For the ones that compromise, bad results will come from it sooner or later. It is better to pray, and even fast, for the Lord to send the right person and wait for the answer. All ministry is the Lord’s. Anything He does not build, will not stand. Only He can change hearts and fulfill His plans. We are but tools in His hands. It is far better to wait for the Lord's direction than compromise ourselves and leave an open door for the enemy.

Even something seemingly simple as a vacation, with an unbeliever in the group, can result in having to deal with their bad choices and further resulting consequences.

Perhaps they want to bend the rules here and there, when one normally would never do something. Something simple as crossing past a “do not go past here” sign or wanting to swim in the hotel pool after hours. Perhaps to go nightclubbing when it is something one would never normally do. What if they break the rules on something as simple as a rental car in one’s name, and one is then responsible in paying for their folly? Even on vacation, being unequally yoked can be expensive.

Co-signing is another example.

Most people would not need a co-signer if they were not a bad risk in the first place. There are certainly exceptions but that is what they are, exceptions. For sure, to co-sign for an unbeliever is like opening the door to the devil. Sooner or later, he will come through the door and legally get right into one’s bank account.

There is no doubt that there are many situations beyond those mentioned here, that also illustrate how a Christian should not enter into a union with an unbeliever.

With that said, let us consider more deeply, one of the first matters discussed. Marriage.

Some say to not even date an unbeliever and then one will not have to worry about marrying one. We can take it one step further: We should not even make romantic eye contact with one! And how can one know of their faith or not? Most of the time one cannot! Therefore, if one will keep their eyes to one’s self, they can save them self from a load of trouble!

If we do not hang around non-believers, we most likely will not date one. And if we do not date one, we most likely will not have to worry about marrying one!

One of the biggest (and most expensive) mistakes Christians make is marrying non-believers. And then have children with them. The result is, even if they break up, the children have the blessing of one believing parent and the curse of one non-believing parent. No matter how hard the believer tries, their offspring are the seed of righteous and unrighteous.

This might sound harsh but it is the truth. All the good parenting of one believing parent, will not undo the harm of the non-believing one. And if it results in a divorce, the damage is bad too. All the investments of both parents are split, including their greatest investment, their children.

One could write volumes here about the bad marriages of Christians who married non-believers. In such unions, one will find never-ending pain and struggle. In such unions, one will find “godly” sleeping in the same bed as “ungodly.” One is likely to find one person praying, hoping, fasting and praying some more, that the other one will come to the Lord. Usually it goes on for years. Often times it ends in divorce or the lost one dragging the saved one down with them. Yes, it can result in the lost one getting saved but more often than not, it never works out and there is never "common union" where it really matters. The common union or "lack of common union" between a husband and wife, affects everything. 

God’s will for us as families is:
That two believers that will love and marry, keep Him first with all their hearts, to have children who will love and keep Him first with all their hearts.

Even with a couple who are both Christians, when one believer is weak and the other is strong, it can be very difficult.

The believer who is strong can help pull the other one up, but it can also happen that the weaker one pulls the other one down. This can be a very difficult situation.

We need to consider a potential spouses strengths and weaknesses before we join into union with them. If both are weak in certain areas, it may turn out to be very challenging. For example, even with believers, when two people marry that are both “not the best” stewards financially, it might take years (with heavy cost) for them to learn to be wise with their money, if ever.

When two people marry who are a good match that truly love the Lord with all they are and have, it is something wonderful as the Lord intended! They can live in one accord, pray and even study the Bible together, grow and work together in learning how to parent, deal with finances, acquiring and taking care of a home, etc.

Wisdom says to pray for the right spouse.

Wisdom says to never take a second look at a non-believer. Wisdom says to plan on “yoking up” with someone else that really loves the Lord too and is a good steward with their life and possessions. Consider what an old fellow once said, “remember, one not only marries their spouse, but they also marry their spouse’s family.” We are all package deals. One truly needs to consider the family that would come with a potential spouse. Even if the potential spouse is disconnected from their family, one will have to deal with whatever that affects too. And one day, they maybe re-involved. If one weighs it all out and are willing to pay the costs, then at least one counted the cost. Praying one’s way though is the best way. Consider it all in one’s heart and mind, but above all, listen to God!

Not everything that glitters is gold.

Many a man or woman seemed like the perfect choice at the time. We must get past the physical attraction, and be on alert for any warning signs. If someone is interested in another and they find a form of godliness but their heart is not really sold out to God, run! Even two truly God-loving believers may have their ups and downs over the years but if two people start out on shaky ground or shifting sand, don’t expect it to develop into a firm foundation. We cannot “change each other for the better” easily in marriage but we can easily “affect each other for the worse.” Most of us spend years learning to adjust to our spouse’s different ways and styles of each other’s previous lives or the way we were raised... whether it is food, clothing, types of vehicles, finances, type of church, house keeping, yard keeping, decorating, you name it... it is a lot to get used to!

The bottom line.

With any choice in life, it is critical for a Christian to think and pray first. Any union in life with another, will be challenging, but how much more so when a Christian gets into some type of union with an unbeliever. Some unions maybe short, but the cost may go on for years. And if one marries and has children with a non-believer, it is a cruel thing to do to their children. Instead of offering them, a life in Christ and under His direction, one would be cursing them with an ungodly parent who, whether one liked it or not, would teach them their ungodly ways. Children reap the benefits and suffer the costs of their parents choices.

Wisdom beckons to us all, but foolishness calls out too. The choice is up to us who we listen to.

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion [common union] has light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14

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